you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
