Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
