So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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