my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
