Yo dont text me then not text me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
