Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize