did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
