sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
