he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
