I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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