i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
