So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I want a musical about memes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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