he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
