he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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