So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
