Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
