I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize