Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
