My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
