sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
