NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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