in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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