I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im part way to drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
