Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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