No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
