apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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