My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize