yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
