Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
