Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
not ubering you a puppy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
