God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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