im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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