I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
