you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
