I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
