just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
