i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
