So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
