Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
