Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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