I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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