dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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