I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
