in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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