Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize