theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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