I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
