ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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