Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
