it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
