i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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