What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
