absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
