I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
