all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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