Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
