Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have aggressive nipples.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
