her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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