Walk of Shame. In a state park.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
