The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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