I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
