she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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