You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize