never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
