All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
