I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
