are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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