She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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