in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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